Empowering Programs 

SJTP Mission to Eradicate Domestic Violence 

Anything Is Possible

Commitment, transparency, innovation. These three values have stood at the center of the Survivor's Journey to Peace mission since our founding in 2000. We wholeheartedly commit to the work we do with passion and dedication, transparently sharing it with the Milwaukee community as well as globally and inviting others to take part. On top of this, we challenge ourselves to think creatively, applying an innovative approach to all that we do. This mission drives the continued success of Survivor's Journey to Peace.

Every 9 Seconds in the US a Woman is Assaulted or Beaten

Domestic violence takes many forms and may look very different depending on the relationship. Knowing how to recognize the signs of domestic violence in a relationship is important.

Understanding Domestic Violence

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence defines domestic violence as “the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.”

Gaining power is at the heart of domestic violence. The abuser wants to maintain power and control. Domestic violence is not limited to physical violence. It takes many forms. It may involve verbal or emotional abuse. Domestic violence may include sexual or economic abuse. In some cases, the perpetrator will intentionally destroy the intended victim’s property or harm their pets. In some cases, the abuser will isolate the victim from family and friends.

Domestic violence does not discriminate. It touches people across race, age, gender and religious lines. It can occur regardless of someone’s level of education or socioeconomic status. Domestic violence occurs in both same-sex relationships and opposite-sex relationships.

When domestic violence occurs, it harms more than just the victim. It has a significant effect on friends, family members, coworkers and neighbors. Children who witness violence in the home are at particular risk. Children who are exposed to violence at home are more likely to experience problems, both physical and social. Children who are exposed to violence learn that violence is normal.

They grow up with an increased likelihood of becoming not just abusers, but victims of domestic violence.

At Survivor’s Journey to Peace, our goal is to provide a pathway that leads away from a life of chaos, abuse and fear and towards a future of safety and independence.

Recognizing the Signs of Domestic Violence

It’s hard to tell whether a partner will eventually become abusive.

Most relationships start off normally. As time goes by, however, behaviors change. A partner may become more controlling as the relationship grows. He or she may become possessive of the other person. These changes usually don’t happen overnight. They often occur gradually. Domestic violence takes many forms and may look very different depending on the relationship. 

One thing that is very common in a domestic violence situation is that the abusive partner begins to exert power and control over the other partner in multiple ways. Knowing how to recognize the signs of domestic violence in a relationship is important.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is what most people envision when they think of domestic violence. Physical abuse may include punching, hitting, shoving or kicking. Some abusers will engage in biting, scratching or hair-pulling.

Psychological/Emotional Abuse

Some abusers engage in psychological abuse to control their partners. They use intimidation to cause fear and gain control. They may threaten to hurt themselves, their partner, family members, friends or pets. Some will work to isolate their partners from loved ones or prevent them from engaging in activities they enjoy.

Emotional Abuse

Abusers often try to exert power by breaking down their partner’s sense of self-worth. They may engage in name-calling or frequent criticism. Their words are meant to damage their partner’s self-esteem, making it easier for the abuser to wield power over the victim.

Sexual Abuse

Forcing sexual contact without consent is sexual abuse. Coercing a partner to engage in any sort of sexual act is abuse unless the partner willingly agrees. Making a partner engage in sex following physical violence is sexual abuse.

Financial/Economic Abuse

Financial abuse occurs when one partner limits access to financial assets in order to control the other partner. Many abusers seek to exert total control over the couple’s financial resources. An abuser may withhold money to make the partner financially dependent on him or her. In some cases, the abuser will forbid the partner to go to work and earn money. Without access to financial resources, the victim’s options are severely restricted, sometimes dangerously so.

Stalking and Cyberstalking Abuse

Stalking is another type of abuse in which one party directs harassing or threatening behavior toward the intended target. Stalkers typically engage in repeated behavior that causes fear for their victims. They may repeatedly attempt to contact their victims despite being aware that the communication is unwanted. “Cyberstalking, ” which means that the abuser is using technology to stalk his or her victim, is increasingly common.

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There is Hope for Children Affected by Domestic Violence

Children are frequently victimized by domestic violence, even when they are not the targets of the abuser. When people think of domestic violence, they typically visualize adults as the target. The reality, in many cases, is that the adult is also a parent. Many are struggling to figure out how to escape the abuse while also protecting their children.

Children exposed to domestic violence are likely to develop behavioral problems, such as regressing, exhibiting out of control behavior and imitating behaviors. Children may think that violence is acceptable in an intimate relationship.

Adolescents are in jeopardy of academic failure, school drop-out, and substance abuse. Denial and aggression are their major forms of problem solving. 

Teens cope with domestic violence by blaming others, encountering violence in a relationship, or by running away from home

Their behavior is often guarded and secretive about their family members and they may become embarrassed about their home situation. Adolescents generally don’t like to invite friends over and they spend their free time away from home.

At SJTP, we recognize the critical importance of providing safe solutions that will protect both the person being abused and the children whose lives are being impacted. The services provided at SJTP touch the lives of three times as many children as adults in an average year.

Domestic Violence FAQ

Anything Is Possible

What should I do if someone I know is experiencing domestic violence?

Victims of domestic violence are often embarrassed by what is happening or are in denial about their situation. If you have reason to believe that a friend, family member or neighbor is experiencing domestic violence, there are many ways you can try to help. 

Start the conversation – Talk to the person and try to help her or him to open up. You may have to try several times before the person will confide in you. Be direct. Start by saying something like, “I’m worried about you because …” or “I’m concerned about your safety …”

Be a good listener and offer support – Listen. And believe what you hear. Too often, people don’t believe a victim when she or he first discloses the abuse that is occurring. Reassure the person that the abuse is not their fault. Let the person know that you are there for them. Do not judge. Focus on providing support and building self-confidence.

Connect the victim to local resources – Encourage the person to seek the help of a local domestic violence agency. Agencies can provide support, advice, services and referrals. They can help a victim with safety planning.

Be patient and stay involved – It can take a long time for a victim to recognize that she or he is experiencing domestic violence. It can take even longer before the victim is able to make safe decisions about how to get out of a domestic violence situation. Don’t tell the person to leave. 

Don’t criticize her or him for staying. An abused woman faces the greatest risk at the point when she is separating from her abuser and immediately after leaving the abusive partner. Provide reassurance. Remind the victim that the abuse is not their fault. Acknowledge their strengths and remind the person frequently that she or he is coping well with a challenging and stressful situation.

What does the law say about domestic violence?
Criminal and civil law offers important protections for individuals who are experiencing domestic violence. If an assault has taken place and is reported, the police will investigate the crime. Where they have power of arrest, they will normally arrest the suspect. Where there is enough evidence, and if prosecution is in the public interest, the person who committed the assault will be prosecuted.

Under the Illinois Domestic Violence Act of 1986, a petition for an order of protection may be filed by a person who has been abused by a family or household member or by any person on behalf of a minor child or an adult who has been abused by a family or household member, and who, because of age, health, disability, or inaccessibility, cannot file the petition, or by any person on behalf of a high-risk adult with disabilities who has been abused, neglected or exploited by a family or household member. 

However, any petition properly filed under this Act may seek protection for any additional persons protected by this Act.

Is it safe to go to a neighbor or relative’s house when deciding what to do? 

The safest place for someone escaping domestic violence is one that’s not familiar to the abuser. If you make the decision to leave, it’s best to go to a location that the abuser doesn’t know about, such as a WINGS Safe House.

What if I’m NOT ready to leave my home and/or my partner? If you are experiencing domestic violence, but are not ready to leave your abuser, focus on making a safety plan. This is especially important if you are concerned that the abuse may escalate. Identify your partner’s use and level of force so that you can assess the risk of physical danger. Try to have a phone accessible at all times – and know what numbers to call for help. Know where the nearest public phone is located. If you believe your life is in danger, call 911 for police assistance.

Let trusted friends and neighbors know about your situation. Create a plan and a visual signal to let them know when you need help. Plan for your safety by making a list of what items you want to bring with you when you are ready to leave. (See below for more information about items you may want to collect before leaving a domestic violence situation.)

What help is available through WINGS if I’m ready to leave my abuser?
WINGS created two Safe Houses, which provide emergency safe haven from domestic violence for victims. A stay at a WINGS Safe House is often the first step towards a new life for those who are fleeing an abuser. In addition to providing emergency shelter, WINGS works to empower victims of domestic violence. We provide them with the tools they need to escape a dangerous situation and to move towards safety and self-sufficiency. WINGS provides a wide range of services to help our clients accomplish this. We provide crisis and mental health counseling, life skills and career training, and referrals to free community resources. WINGS also runs transitional and permanent housing programs that help victims and their children continue to move forward with rebuilding their lives after escaping a violent situation. Learn about your journey with WINGS.

What about my children? What can I say and/or do when violence occurs?
Too often, children are witnesses to domestic violence in the home. If you are a victim of domestic violence, explain to your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is violent. Emphasize the importance of staying safe. Let children know that neither you, nor them, are at fault for the violence. Instruct children not to get involved if there is violence between you and your partner. Teach them how to get help when it’s needed. Plan a code word to signal to your children that they should summon help or get out of the house. If you are planning to leave your abuser, practice ways to get out of the home safely. Practice with your children.

I’m planning to leave my abusive partner. How do I prepare to get out?
Make a point to identify safe areas of your home that offer a means of escape. If arguments begin, try to move to those areas. Safe areas are generally areas of the home where there are no weapons. WINGS can help victims devise a safety plan and take many steps to ensure that they are able to escape safely when they are ready to leave.

What are the most important documents and items I should bring with me?
If your life is in danger, you may need to escape with nothing at all. However, if you have the opportunity to plan ahead, use the following lists to locate documents and items that can be helpful to victims who are leaving an abuser and starting a new life:

Identification

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  Driver’s license or state-issued ID card

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  Birth certificates (for you and your children, if any)

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  Social security card(s)

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  Financial information 

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  Money and/or credit cards that are in your name

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  Checking, savings and other banking/financial account records

Legal Papers

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  Orders of protection, if any exist

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  Copies of housing records (e.g., leases, rental agreements, deed to your home)

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  Vehicle registration/vehicle insurance information

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  Insurance cards and records (e.g., health, life, homeowners)

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  Medical records (for you and your children, if any)

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  School records

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  Work permits/green card/visas

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  Passport(s)

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  Marriage license

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  Divorce and child custody papers

Emergency telephone numbers for:

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  Your local police and/or sheriff’s department

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  Your local domestic violence program or shelter

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  Friends, family members, neighbors

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  Your doctor’s office and local hospital

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  County and/or district attorney’s office

Other

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  Personal cell phone and/or pay-as-you-go phone

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  Medications

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  Extra set of house and car keys

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  Address book

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  Valuable jewelry

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  Photos and sentimental items

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  Several changes of clothes for you and your children

• 
  

  Emergency money

Red Flags & Safety Planning

There Is Hope

RED FLAGS

Below represent some red flags within relationships, which are validated by research:

• Obsession with weapons

• Access to/prior threats with a firearm

• Whirlwind courtship/relationship

• One who chooses abusive behavior is unemployed or underemployed

• Stepchildren in the home

• Escalated threats of suicide

• Decompensation

• Estrangement/separation from survivor

• Prior strangulation attempts

• Violation of protection orders

• Stalking/monitoring

• One who chooses abusive behavior is possessive of survivor

• Threats to kill survivor (and/or children, threats to kill survivor's family members, friends, etc.)

• Significant losses (housing, employment, custody of children, etc.)

• History of drug/alcohol use/abuse

• Believes/knows survivor is pregnant

• History of domestic violence or non-domestic violence assaults

• Pending legal actions

• One who chooses abusive behavior believes or knows survivor is in a new relationship

SAFETY PLANNING 

A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that includes ways to remain safe while in a relationship, planning to leave, or after you leave. Safety planning involves how to cope with emotions, tell friends and family about the abuse, take legal action, and more. Here are some ways to plan for your safety: 

1. Have important phone numbers nearby for you and your children. Numbers to have are the police, hotlines, friends, and Family Tree.

2. Identify friends or neighbors you could tell about the abuse. Ask them to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises. If you have children, teach them how to dial 911. Make up a code word that you can use when you need help. 

3. Determine ways to get out of your home safely and practice ways to get out.

4. Find safer places in your home where there are exits and no weapons. If you feel abuse is going to happen, try to get your abuser to one of these safer places.