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Domestic Abuse Information
SJTP Mission to Eradicate Domestic Violence
Anything Is Possible!
Commitment, transparency, innovation. These three values have stood at the center of the Survivor's Journey to Peace mission since our founding in 2000. We wholeheartedly commit to the work we do with passion and dedication, transparently sharing it with the Milwaukee community as well as globally and inviting others to take part. On top of this, we challenge ourselves to think creatively, applying an innovative approach to all that we do. This mission drives the continued success of Survivor's Journey to Peace.
Every 9 Seconds in the US a Woman is Assaulted or Beaten
Domestic violence takes many forms and may look very different depending on the relationship. Knowing how to recognize the signs of domestic violence in a relationship is important.
Understanding Domestic Violence
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence defines domestic violence as “the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.”
Gaining power is at the heart of domestic violence. The abuser wants to maintain power and control. Domestic violence is not limited to physical violence. It takes many forms. It may involve verbal or emotional abuse. Domestic violence may include sexual or economic abuse. In some cases, the perpetrator will intentionally destroy the intended victim’s property or harm their pets. In some cases, the abuser will isolate the victim from family and friends.
Domestic violence does not discriminate. It touches people across race, age, gender and religious lines. It can occur regardless of someone’s level of education or socioeconomic status. Domestic violence occurs in both same-sex relationships and opposite-sex relationships. When domestic violence occurs, it harms more than just the victim. It has a significant effect on friends, family members, coworkers and neighbors. Children who witness violence in the home are at particular risk. Children who are exposed to violence at home are more likely to experience problems, both physical and social. Children who are exposed to violence learn that violence is normal.
They grow up with an increased likelihood of becoming not just abusers, but victims of domestic violence.
At Survivor’s Journey to Peace, our goal is to provide a pathway that leads away from a life of chaos, abuse and fear and towards a future of safety and independence.
Recognizing the Signs of Domestic Violence
It’s hard to tell whether a partner will eventually become abusive.
Most relationships start off normally. As time goes by, however, behaviors change. A partner may become more controlling as the relationship grows. He or she may become possessive of the other person. These changes usually don’t happen overnight. They often occur gradually. Domestic violence takes many forms and may look very different depending on the relationship. One thing that is very common in a domestic violence situation is that the abusive partner begins to exert power and control over the other partner in multiple ways. Knowing how to recognize the signs of domestic violence in a relationship is important.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is what most people envision when they think of domestic violence. Physical abuse may include punching, hitting, shoving or kicking. Some abusers will engage in biting, scratching or hair-pulling.
Psychological/Emotional Abuse
Some abusers engage in psychological abuse to control their partners. They use intimidation to cause fear and gain control. They may threaten to hurt themselves, their partner, family members, friends or pets. Some will work to isolate their partners from loved ones or prevent them from engaging in activities they enjoy.
Emotional Abuse
Abusers often try to exert power by breaking down their partner’s sense of self-worth. They may engage in name-calling or frequent criticism. Their words are meant to damage their partner’s self-esteem, making it easier for the abuser to wield power over the victim.
Sexual Abuse
Forcing sexual contact without consent is sexual abuse. Coercing a partner to engage in any sort of sexual act is abuse unless the partner willingly agrees. Making a partner engage in sex following physical violence is sexual abuse.
Financial/Economic Abuse
Financial abuse occurs when one partner limits access to financial assets in order to control the other partner. Many abusers seek to exert total control over the couple’s financial resources. An abuser may withhold money to make the partner financially dependent on him or her. In some cases, the abuser will forbid the partner to go to work and earn money. Without access to financial resources, the victim’s options are severely restricted, sometimes dangerously so.
Stalking and Cyberstalking Abuse
Stalking is another type of abuse in which one party directs harassing or threatening behavior toward the intended target. Stalkers typically engage in repeated behavior that causes fear for their victims. They may repeatedly attempt to contact their victims despite being aware that the communication is unwanted. “Cyberstalking, ” which means that the abuser is using technology to stalk his or her victim, is increasingly common.
Are You Ready to Take The First Step to a New Beginning?
There is Hope for Children Affected by Domestic Violence
Children are frequently victimized by domestic violence, even when they are not the targets of the abuser. When people think of domestic violence, they typically visualize adults as the target. The reality, in many cases, is that the adult is also a parent. Many are struggling to figure out how to escape the abuse while also protecting their children. Children exposed to domestic violence are likely to develop behavioral problems, such as regressing, exhibiting out of control behavior and imitating behaviors. Children may think that violence is acceptable in an intimate relationship.Adolescents are in jeopardy of academic failure, school drop-out, and substance abuse. Denial and aggression are their major forms of problem solving. Teens cope with domestic violence by blaming others, encountering violence in a relationship, or by running away from homeTheir behavior is often guarded and secretive about their family members and they may become embarrassed about their home situation. Adolescents generally don’t like to invite friends over and they spend their free time away from home. At SJTP, we recognize the critical importance of providing safe solutions that will protect both the person being abused and the children whose lives are being impacted. The services provided at SJTP touch the lives of three times as many children as adults in an average year.
Domestic Violence FAQ
You survived the abuse. You're gonna survive the recovery." ~ Olivia Benson
What should I do if someone I know is experiencing domestic violence?
Victims of domestic violence are often embarrassed by what is happening or are in denial about their situation. If you have reason to believe that a friend, family member or neighbor is experiencing domestic violence, there are many ways you can try to help.
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Start the conversation – Talk to the person and try to help her or him to open up. You may have to try several times before the person will confide in you. Be direct. Start by saying something like, “I’m worried about you because …” or “I’m concerned about your safety …”
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Be a good listener and offer support – Listen. And believe what you hear. Too often, people don’t believe a victim when she or he first discloses the abuse that is occurring. Reassure the person that the abuse is not their fault. Let the person know that you are there for them. Do not judge. Focus on providing support and building self-confidence.
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Connect the victim to local resources – Encourage the person to seek the help of a local domestic violence agency. Agencies can provide support, advice, services and referrals. They can help a victim with safety planning.
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Be patient and stay involved – It can take a long time for a victim to recognize that she or he is experiencing domestic violence. It can take even longer before the victim is able to make safe decisions about how to get out of a domestic violence situation. Don’t tell the person to leave.
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Don’t criticize her or him for staying. An abused woman faces the greatest risk at the point when she is separating from her abuser and immediately after leaving the abusive partner. Provide reassurance. Remind the victim that the abuse is not their fault. Acknowledge their strengths and remind the person frequently that she or he is coping well with a challenging and stressful situation.
What does the law say about domestic violence?
Criminal and civil law offers important protections for individuals who are experiencing domestic violence. If an assault has taken place and is reported, the police will investigate the crime. Where they have power of arrest, they will normally arrest the suspect. Where there is enough evidence, and if prosecution is in the public interest, the person who committed the assault will be prosecuted.
Is it safe to go to a neighbor or relative’s house when deciding what to do?
The safest place for someone escaping domestic violence is one that’s not familiar to the abuser. If you make the decision to leave, it’s best to go to a location that the abuser doesn’t know about, such as a WINGS Safe House.
What if I’m NOT ready to leave my home and/or my partner?
If you are experiencing domestic violence, but are not ready to leave your abuser, focus on making a safety plan. This is especially important if you are concerned that the abuse may escalate. Identify your partner’s use and level of force so that you can assess the risk of physical danger. Try to have a phone accessible at all times – and know what numbers to call for help. Know where the nearest public phone is located. If you believe your life is in danger, call 911 for police assistance.
Let trusted friends and neighbors know about your situation. Create a plan and a visual signal to let them know when you need help. Plan for your safety by making a list of what items you want to bring with you when you are ready to leave. (See below for more information about items you may want to collect before leaving a domestic violence situation.)
What about my children? What can I say and/or do when violence occurs?
Too often, children are witnesses to domestic violence in the home. If you are a victim of domestic violence, explain to your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is violent. Emphasize the importance of staying safe. Let children know that neither you, nor them, are at fault for the violence. Instruct children not to get involved if there is violence between you and your partner. Teach them how to get help when it’s needed. Plan a code word to signal to your children that they should summon help or get out of the house. If you are planning to leave your abuser, practice ways to get out of the home safely. Practice with your children.
I’m planning to leave my abusive partner. How do I prepare to get out?
Make a point to identify safe areas of your home that offer a means of escape. If arguments begin, try to move to those areas. Safe areas are generally areas of the home where there are no weapons. WINGS can help victims devise a safety plan and take many steps to ensure that they are able to escape safely when they are ready to leave.
What are the most important documents and items I should bring with me?
If your life is in danger, you may need to escape with nothing at all. However, if you have the opportunity to plan ahead, use the following lists to locate documents and items that can be helpful to victims who are leaving an abuser and starting a new life:
Identification
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Driver’s license or state-issued ID card
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Birth certificates (for you and your children, if any)
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Social security card(s)
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Financial information
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Money and/or credit cards that are in your name
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Checking, savings and other banking/financial account records
Legal Papers
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Orders of protection, if any exist
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Copies of housing records (e.g., leases, rental agreements, deed to your home)
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Vehicle registration/vehicle insurance information
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Insurance cards and records (e.g., health, life, homeowners)
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Medical records (for you and your children, if any)
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School records
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Work permits/green card/visas
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Passport(s)
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Marriage license
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Divorce and child custody papers
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Emergency telephone numbers
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Your local police and/or sheriff’s department
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Your local domestic violence program or shelter
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Friends, family members, neighbors
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Your doctor’s office and local hospital
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County and/or district attorney’s office
Other
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Personal cell phone and/or pay-as-you-go phone
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Medications
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Extra set of house and car keys
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Address book
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Valuable jewelry
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Photos and sentimental items
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Several changes of clothes for you and your children
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Emergency money
Red Flags & Safety Planning
There Is Hope
"The enemy dosen't stand a chance when a victim decides to survive." ~ Rae Smith
RED FLAGS
Below represent some red flags within relationships, which are validated by research:
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Obsession with weapons
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Access to/prior threats with a firearm
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Whirlwind courtship/relationship
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One who chooses abusive behavior is unemployed or underemployed
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Stepchildren in the home
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Escalated threats of suicide
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Decompensation
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Estrangement/separation from survivor
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Prior strangulation attempts
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Violation of protection orders
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Stalking/monitoring
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One who chooses abusive behavior is possessive of survivor
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Threats to kill survivor (and/or children, threats to kill survivor's family members, friends, etc.)
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Significant losses (housing, employment, custody of children, etc.)
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History of drug/alcohol use/abuse
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Believes/knows survivor is pregnant
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History of domestic violence or non-domestic violence assaults
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Pending legal actions
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One who chooses abusive behavior believes or knows survivor is in a new relationship
SAFETY PLANNING
A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that includes ways to remain safe while in a relationship, planning to leave, or after you leave. Safety planning involves how to cope with emotions, tell friends and family about the abuse, take legal action, and more. Here are some ways to plan for your safety:
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Have important phone numbers nearby for you and your children. Numbers to have are the police, hotlines, friends, and Family Tree.
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Identify friends or neighbors you could tell about the abuse. Ask them to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises. If you have children, teach them how to dial 911. Make up a code word that you can use when you need help.
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Determine ways to get out of your home safely and practice ways to get out.
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Find safer places in your home where there are exits and no weapons. If you feel abuse is going to happen, try to get your abuser to one of these safer places.
Domestic Violence Workshops
Survivor's Journey to Peace Domestic Violence Workshops
What is domestic violence? What are the dynamics of abuse? How are our perceptions about the issue shaped and then at times made rigid by the media and our personal experiences? In addition to basic definitions, this workshop explores the deeper underpinnings of intimate partner violence and our role as a community to address this epidemic.
SJTP provides educational presentations throughout the community in order to raise awareness about domestic violence in a social justice framework to help change the beliefs and practices that allow violence to happen. SJTP staff members are available to give presentations to community groups and organizations throughout the USA including businesses, schools, colleges/Universities, student groups, faith based organizations, fellowships, and social service agencies.
MOVING AHEAD WORKSHOP Survivor’s Journey to Peace In partnership with the AllState Foundation offers an online/virtual financial literacy workshop Moving Ahead. The Moving Ahead financial literacy financial workshop is designed to help domestic violence survivors achieve financial independence and rebuild their lives.
THE ART OF HEALING WORKSHOP
Art of Healing Workshop is designed for Survivors of intimate partner abuse are invited to participate in these afternoons of art-making, processing, and community. Participants will be led through art and writing activities with a focus on expression, hope, healing, and strengths. No previous art-making or writing experience is required.
DRUNK IN LOVE
Drunk in Love is an interactive workshop on love, intimacy, and healthy relationships. This workshop offers a crash course on setting your relationship up for success. We will share strategies that can be used in your partnership to increase communication and trust. Bring a partner with you or come solo!
SEEDS OF COURAGE
Seeds of courage is a financial workshop focused on sowing economical empowerment for domestic violence survivors. This financial literacy workshop offers estate planning, budgeting, wealth building, financial empowerment, credit restoration, and Will preparation.
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
Because I Love You was created to help facilitate and foster conversations on how to talk to the people in your life about the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.
CAREER COACHING
Career Coaching on one end of the spectrum is the personal development side of career coaching that helps you answer the big questions in life such "what are you passionate about?", "What do you really want to do?" and "What career legacy do you want to leave behind?"
On the other end of the career coaching spectrum are the technical job searching services such as resume writing, preparing for interviews, and developing job searching skills. Career coaching designed to get you not just a job but the career your dream career.
ENTREPRENEURSHIP COACHING
Entrepreneurship coaching will keep individuals on their toes and make sure that they are hitting the important goals they need to achieve in order to realize success. Our Entrepreneurship coaches keep entrepreneurs from stagnating and help to move the process along so individuals can see results and also provide good insights into what the future holds. Our sole job as an entrepreneur coach is to get the entrepreneur where they want and need to be.
WORKSHOPS FOR PROFESSIONALS AND COMMUNITY MEMBERS
Our workshops will discuss the myths, realities, dynamics, and impact of domestic abuse. We will explore options and services that are available to victims/survivors. Participants will leave with concrete knowledge, tools, and resources to support those who have experienced domestic violence. Additionally, we can include the following areas of focus to the workshop, as requested:
Impact of Domestic Violence on Youth
Learn the impact of domestic violence on youth and resiliency factors that create healing.
Safety Planning
Acquire skills and tools in developing short- and long-term safety strategies with survivors.
How to Support Survivors
Explore conversation starters and gain tools to support friends, family, or clients in an abusive relationship.
Effects of Trauma on the Brain
Learn how the brain and body react to crisis and common trauma responses of survivors.
In Their Shoes Interactive Activity
This education tool allows participants to move through the experiences of a victim/survivor.
Digital Abuse and Technology Safety
Examine digital tactics of abuse, safety planning considerations, and how technology can support survivors.
Survivor’s Journey to Peace Domestic Violence Services
Hear an overview of Survivor’s Journey to Peace Domestic Violence Services and how to refer survivors for services.
For more information about our domestic violence, trauma & resilience programs, trainings, and workshop series, and speaker engagements contact: Contact Sandy Smith via email Survivorsjourneytopeac@gmail.com
There is Hope
Founded in 2018, Survivor's Journey to Peace has made tremendous impact thanks to the help of members and volunteers in the Milwaukee communities. Please see our comprehensive list of domestic violence resources for the state of Wisconsin. If you are in immediate danger and your life is in danger please call 📞 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7/365 for confidential hotline support call 1-800-799-7233